*grinz*

i don’t mind if you’ve got something nice to say about me

and i enjoy an accolate like the rest

and you can take my picture and hang it in a gallery

of all the who’s-who’s and so-and-so’s

that used to be the best at such and such

it wouldn’t matter much

i won’t lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights

we all need an "atta boy" or "atta girl"

but in the end i’d rather hang my hat on more besides

the temporary trappings of this world

i want to leave a legacy

how will they remember me?

did i choose to love?

did i point to You enough

to make a mark on things?

i want to leave an offering

a child of mercy and grace

who blessed Your Name

unapologetically

and leave that kind of legacy

i don’t have to look too far or too long awhile

to make a lengthy list of all that i enjoy

it’s an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile

where most and rust

thieves and such

will soon enough destroy

i want to leave a legacy

how will they remember me?

did i choose to love?

did i point to You enough

to make a mark on things?

i want to leave an offering

a child of mercy and grace

who blessed Your Name

unapologetically

and leave that kind of legacy

not well-traveled, not well-read

not well-to-do, or well-bred

i just want to hear instead

"well done,

good and faithful one."

i want to leave a legacy

how will they remember me?

did i choose to love?

did i point to you enough

to make a mark on things?

i want to leave an offering

a child of mercy and grace

who blessed Your Name

unapologetically

and leave that kind of legacy

i don’t mind if you’ve got something nice to say about me

is my imagination running away or is

all this really happening to me

am i a prince in a far away land filled with fantasy

where is reality and what are the actions that will define who i am

i am holding on to the visions i’ve seen of what i could be

it’s what i should be

more than it seems these dreams inside

(show me the way to these dreams)

blur reality’s line (’til there’s nothing that’s left of me)

if i could believe that dreams aside

(show me the way to these dreams)

i am capable of more than it seems

passing through the darkness into my own world will i

be more than when i left

never letting go of the lessons i learned this will make a change

a change within me

more than it seems these dreams inside

(show me the way to these dreams)

blur reality’s line (’til there’s nothing that’s left of me)

if i could believe that dreams aside

(show me the way to these dreams)

i am capable of more than it seems

this time i won’t run away

i’ve found the strength to face life’s long days

this time i won’t run away…

KUTLESS

i’d love to see you smile, to hear you laugh,

i’d love to know that i can never get enough

of you,

of everything that makes you YOU.

your presence makes me smile unconsciously,

your words bring out joy in me,

i forget

the things that get me down

when you’re around.

but you’re still a mystery, a mere dream,

a mere image, mere visual words,

but you’re sincere, kind and true,

and i long to know all there is to YOU.

only time will tell where this will go,

only God knows,

and for once i’m willing to wait and see.

i hope you feel the same about me.

to all the travelers

pilgrims longing for a home

from one who walks with you

on this journey called life’s road

it is a long and winding road

from one who’s seen the view

and dreamt of staying on the mountains high

and one who’s cried like you

wanting so much just to lay down and die

i offer this, we must remember this

we are not home yet

we are not home yet

keep on looking ahead

let your heart not forget

we are not home yet

not home yet

so close your eyes with me

and hear the Father saying, "welcome home"

let us find the strength

in all His promises to carry on

He said, "I go prepare a place for you"

so let us not forget

we are not home yet

we are not home yet

keep on looking ahead

let your heart not forget

we are not home yet

we are not home yet

keep on looking ahead

let your heart not forget

we are not home yet

i know there’ll be a moment

i know there’ll be a place

where we will see our Saviour

and fall in His embrace

so let us not grow weary

or too content to stay

’cause we are not home yet

not home yet

so let us journey on…

– steven curtis chapman –

this is meant for 2 good friends of mine, who each lost someone dear to them in the last 2 weeks. i’m sorry for your loss. i don’t really know what you’re going through, and i don’t know the words to say, but i’m here when you need me.

this is not at all

how we thought it was supposed to be

we had so many plans for you

we had so many dreams

but now you’ve gone away

and left us with the memory of your smile

and nothing we can say

and nothing we can do

can take away the pain

the pain of losing you

but we can cry with hope

we can say goodbye with hope

’cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no

and we can grieve with hope

’cause we believe with hope

there’s a place where we’ll see your face again

and never have i known

anything so hard to understand

and never have i questioned more

the wisdom of God’s plan

but through the cloud of tears

i see the Father’s smile and say well done

and i imagine you

where you wanted most to be

seeing all your dreams come true

’cause now you’re home and now you’re free

…we have this hope as an anchor

’cause we believe that everything

God promised us is true…

so we can can cry with hope

we can say goodbye with hope

’cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no

and we can grieve with hope

’cause we believe with hope

there’s a place by God’s grace

there’s a place where we’ll see your face again

…we wait with hope

and we ache with hope…

…we hold on with hope

we let go with hope…

Steven Curtis Chapman

if every drop of water disappeared from the land

and every drop of ocean suddenly turns to sand

that would all be nothing

compared to what i’d feel

if you didn’t love me

what if i woke up and couldn’t hear a sound

and all that i could see is darkness all around

that would still be nothing

compared to what i’d feel

if you didn’t love me

if i could have the world and all that money can buy

if i could travel far beyond the moon and the sky

if they gave me golden wings

well i still couldn’t fly

without you, nothing would matter

you and i walk beside each other day after day

but there’s so much inside me i never get to say

my life would be so empty

with nothing left to feel

if you didn’t love me

absolutely beautiful song by Corrinne May. no, it’s not dedicated to anyone in particular (at this point in time). hmmm… maybe to all those people who are in love?

no this is not a song this time, this is me. i don’t normally like to post my thoughts online for everyone to read, but i feel that some stuff just can’t be left unspoken. sigh, i don’t really know where to begin, but here goes, lar. ahem ahem… LOVE. the 4 letter ‘l’ word. a simple but complicated word. we’re all looking for love, aren’t we? LOVE is the one thing we can’t do without. (just admit it.) we were all created to love and to be loved. LOVE is the reason why we exist, LOVE is the only thing really worth living for. a life without LOVE is no life at all. a life without LOVE is devoid of all the other wonderful things like joy, peace, hope, etc.

today, LOVE has been reduced to a mere word, one that has such superficial meanings attached to it. when you tell someone you love them, is it because of that warm fuzzy feeling you get deep down inside when you’re with them or thinking about them? LOVE is so much more than that. when you ask someone to make love to you, is it because both of you truly LOVE each other, or is it because "let’s make love" is a nicer way of saying "let’s have sex"? has LOVE really completely lost its meaning in the world today?

take a look around you. premarital relations are on the rise. the age of first sexual contact is decreasing. the number of people having one night stands is growing. the trend of sex buddies is becoming common. people are getting married for money. people are having extra marital affairs. people are getting cheated of their feelings and their bodies. people are getting hurt. people are becoming jaded. people are becoming cynical. people are looking out more and more for themselves only.

and so we become desperate to be LOVEd, but we refuse to LOVE. we end up looking for LOVE in all the wrong places, in superficial friendships, in sexual relations, thinking that these people will LOVE us because of what we do for them. but they don’t. because they are no different from us. we are all looking for LOVE. doesn’t matter who you are, how you’ve been brought up, what you’ve been through, you are no different from anyone else who’s ever lived on earth in this one aspect — LOVE. we’ve all been hurt, we’ve all been cheated, betrayed, outcast, used, abandoned in one way or another. what makes your hunger for LOVE more significant and more urgent than anyone else’s?

i have come to the realisation, that the only way to truly love is to accept LOVE as it is first. what is LOVE? LOVE is more than a warm fuzzy feeling, LOVE is more than the sex act, LOVE is more than accepting others as they are. LOVE in its totality is beyond human understanding, but it is the only way to live, the only way to true happiness. we desire such a life, because we have a longing to be loved. and we are already loved — even better, we are loved exactly as we are. GOD loves you infinitely, God loves you despite your shortcomings, your flaws, your crimes, your unhealthy desires. GOD is LOVE.

(ok, i have to sidetrack. this post is not meant to convert anyone to Christianity. these are just things that i have to say at this point in time. i came across my friend’s blog where he goes on and on about being depressed and how all he wants is to love and to be loved, and so i felt the need to post this on my blog. so, this is kinda directed at him lar, but all are welcome to read this.)

all Christians have heard this all before. but knowing it in your hearts and not in your minds is the crucial factor. i grew up learning and knowing all the stuff to do with God, but 2 years ago i realised that i knew it all intellectually, and that was it. it took me 2 years of "backsliding" and searching and a whole lot of stupid mistakes to finally get to where i am today. i’m still a sinner, i’m far from staunch, my life is not entirely what a Christian life should be, but i have come to accept 100% the one thing that matters. That God knows me through and through, all my fears, all my doubts, all my mistakes, but He LOVEs me just as i am, and more than i will ever come to understand. because of this realisation and grateful, thankful acceptance, it has become easier to see people for who they really are — vulnerable, longing for LOVE, afraid to get hurt — and it becomes easier to give a little love in little ways that i can.

i’ll leave you with a song by Michael W. Smith, the lyrics speak more than what i have attempted to share. in the meantime, do listen to your hearts and look beyond the superficialities of this world. this is not a world beyond hope, but a world hungry for love. 

GIVE IT AWAY

she asked him for forever

and a promise that would last

he said, "babe you know i love you

but i can’t commit to that."

she said "LOVE isn’t LOVE, ’til you give it away"

a father lived in silence

saw his son become a man

there was a distance felt between them

’cause he could not understand

that love isn’t love ’til you give it away

you gotta give it away

as we live

moving side by side

may we learn to give

learn to sacrifice

we can entertain compassion

for a world in need of care

but the road of good intentions

doesn’t lead to anywhere

’cause love isn’t love ’til you give it away

you gotta give it away

as we live

moving side by side

may we learn to give

learn to sacrifice

love is like a river

flowing down from the giver of life

we drink from the water

and our thirst is no longer denied

you gotta give it away

there was a man who walked on water

he came to set the people free

he was the ultimate example

of what love can truly be

’cause his love was his life

and he gave it away

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

every point of view has another angle

and every angle has its merit

but it all comes down to faith

that’s the way i see it

you can say that love is not divine and

you can say that life is not eternal

"all we have is now"

but i don’t believe it

there’s a GOD-shaped hole in all of us

and the restless soul is searching

there’s a GOD-shaped hole in all of us

and it’s a void only He can fill

does the world seem grey with empty longing

wearing every shade of cynical

and do you ever feel that

there is something missing?

there’s a GOD-shaped hole in all of us

and the restless soul is searching

there’s a GOD-shaped hole in all of us

and it’s a void only He can fill

that’s my point of view, yeah…

right here, look at my face

does it not look the same as before

i feel a longing for life quenched

may be death to you but

now, i feel i will say what has always been there

now, my face will shine up against his

’cause i have waited

but he would wait forever

i have waited

but he will wait forever

now dear, do you not see

this new glow about me

does it look different to you

like someone outside

now, i’ll try to tell you what has always been there

and then, maybe your face could shine up against his

’cause you have waited

but he would wait forever

you have waited

but he will wait

i have waited

but he would wait forever

i have waited

but he will wait forever, forever

how can God see us face to face ’til we have faces?

"to say the very thing that you really mean

the whole of it

nothing more or less than what you really mean"

chasing furies

and the pain falls like a curtain

on the things i once called certain

and i have to say the words i fear the most

i just don’t know

and the questions without answers

come and paralyze the dancer

so i stand here on the stage afraid to move

afraid to fall

oh but fall i must

on this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and i am not

i can only see a part of the picture He’s painting

God is God and i am Man

so i’ll never understand it all

for only God is God

and the sky begins to thunder

and i’m filled with awe and wonder

’til the only burning question that remains

is who am i

can i form a single mountain

take the stars in hand and count them

can i even take a breath without God giving it to me

He is first and last before all that has been

beyond all that will pass

God is God and i am not

i can only see a part of the picture He’s painting

God is God and i am Man

so i’ll never understand it all

for only God is God

oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge

how unsearchable for to Him and through Him and from Him are all things

so let us worship before the throne

of the One who is worthy of worship alone